How to connect with a child I originally didn’t want?

584 Views Updated: 07 Jun 2018
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A few years back I got married. It seemed like the right thing to do for a man my age and I got along with my then wife really well. She had two young children.

At the time, as I stated, it seemed like why not given our lives fit so well together anyways as we had the same mutual friends, hobbies, similar tastes, etc. of course, I was still seeing other women but I had this life with her that looked great in front of my church, her family and friends liked me and people on my side seeing me as responsible, etc. (although my real friends knew I was cheating they supported.) I believe my wife always suspected me of cheating but wasn’t too vocal about it as long as things appeared on point in front of our community.

Anyhow, one of the women got pregnant and my wife found out about this. Immediately she was quick to call the woman a home wrecker and everyone supported her as my wife and this excuse also made it easy for me to act as though I was simply a man tempted into a short affair. Honestly while I cut this woman off, I continued to have affairs with a few of the other women and my wife was okay believing she probably had been with several men and would summon me for child support if it were actually mine. We stayed together and I went to sessions of couple’s counseling to satisfy her want for me to work on the marriage. No court documents and a few years later we had a son and only a year later divorced. On her part, she cited the constant cheating she finally acknowledged and a lack of support with our son. (Please understand that I did support her however our son had many health issues I do not wish to disclose and passed; her being the primary caretaker and dealing with postpartum depression was a very trying time even in a solid marriage.) At this point I do accept responsibility and acknowledge that the child is more likely than not mine. I mean, there were a great number of nights where I was actually sleeping at this woman’s house and seeing her throughout the day and spent much more time with her than my wife. In fact, I spent more time with her when she got pregnant than I spent with my wife when she did and actually it is less likely that the child I gathered with my wife was actually mine from a purely rational standpoint. Right now, the child should be about ready to start school and I completely stopped speaking with his mom on rare occasions at a year. I’ve lost contact with her but recently looked her up online and saw a photo of the boy who does seem to have some of my features. I’d like to reach out to her but I know I’ve caused her a lot of pain and she probably doesn’t trust me and sees me as an asshole giving she did love me when I completely cut her off. I’m still friends with benefits with two of the women I previously cheated with and both state I should just let it go although I’m not sure if it’s jealousy speaking.

I know I was an asshole but please answer the question truthfully even if you do pass judgement. Thanks.

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