Married couples often face a lot of issues after getting married usually because they did not talk about the things that couples should discuss before marriage. Whether it is a love connection or an arranged marriage, there are few important things that should be discussed before marriage. When not discussed, couples often realize that there are situations in which they react differently, be it the ways they’d like to raise a family or invest their savings.
We have tried our best to bring to you the top things couples should talk about before marriage. If you too are one of those who needs to know about the things that you should talk to your partner about before getting married, then here’s what you are looking for:
#1. Where Are We Staying?
For a woman who’s moving out of the comforts of her house after the marriage has complete rights to ask her fiancé about the place, they’ll be living in after marriage. This is probably one of the most important things to discuss before you get married. There are chances that your partner wants to put the roots down, but you have been raised in a family who preferred to keep moving indefinitely. It’ll be a difficult choice for the both of you because both of you will have to consider job security, the desire to stay close to the family, schooling for kids and every other important aspect connected to the housing. Also, while picking a location to settle down, you would want to consider the neighborhood, health facilities, schooling, security, and commutation facilities before you shift to another land.
#2. Do You Believe In God?
Well, if yours is a love marriage then you must already be aware of your fiancé’s religious choices, but in case of arranged marriages, one needs to ask this question. One of the things couples should talk about before marriage is their religious choices. Maybe you or your partner is a believer in God or maybe is an atheist. Both of you will have to respect each other’s religious values and let one another follow them without any obligations.
Questions like, how does your religion or faith affect your lifestyle? If you plan to have kids, what religion, do you want to raise them in? , are crucial for better understanding of your partner. It will make things clear in case of inter-caste marriages.
#3. What About Kids?
One of the best and most important questions, especially for couples who marry young is to talk about kids. You can always ask them if they want kids. If yes, then how many? And if not, then will they never want kids? Will they prefer a vasectomy? How many kids do they want? Are they open to adoption or take up fertility treatments? How long would they want to conceive naturally before trying any other options? Kids are an important aspect for married couples and therefore makes up for an important thing to be discussed before marriage.
#4. How Will Your Future House Be?
A cozy condo in the sky? A beach bungalow? A cabin in the woods? A tree house? A ranch in Utah? Or a small house in the countryside? You may or may not live your dream house but your partner should know about your expectations. It’ll be great if you too could share some common long-term goals and work towards achieving them together.
#5. Will You Help Me Do The Housework?
Before getting married, you need to ask your fiancé if he or she will contribute to the household and if yes, then how much and how will they do it. Will they cook for you, wash the dishes after dinner, pick clothes from laundry, drop the kids to school, contribute in paying the bills, bargain at the general store, select your dress for the event, help you in the shopping, etc. Your fiance is called your life partner after marriage for the fact that they’ll contribute equally in making the relationship a success. You can tell them if you absolutely hate doing dishes but love to cook. Just like this, you both can come down to common ground and divide the responsibilities equally. Dividing the household work is a big task and therefore contributes to our top list of things to be asked before marriage.
Now that you and your fiancé are finally getting married, you need to discuss sex. Marriage conventionally is supposed to mean monogamy, but it can vary as per the couples. You can ask your partner and yourself if both of you are okay sleeping with just one partner throughout your life? Will it keep you satisfied? If either of you responds negatively, then you can always discuss alternatives like, Do you want to sleep with just one person for the rest of your life? Can you and I still be happy and satisfied? If not, you need to discuss either the possibility of an open marriage, or ways that can help you keep the spark alive, or dating for a little more until you find yourself ready.
#7. Will Your Family Be Okay?
Marriage may be an institution of love, a union of two people, but that is not it. Marriage brings two families together and the married couple has to respect the family obligations as and when required. It is more important for a girl as she’s the one moving in with her fiancés family. Some important questions like how much time do you spend with your family? Will it be the same after marriage? How do you plan to spend your holidays with families? What’s your plan for giving both sets of families’ equal time during the major holidays? Will you like to stay with the family after marriage? These questions are mandatory to be discussed before getting married because family obligations can improve or ruin the relationship between the couple.
#8. I Want A Career Too
Yet another important thing to discuss before marriage is the career. It is often seen that a woman is asked to leave her professional aspirations to look after her family. But if you are the one who is as committed to your work as your partner, then talk it out. Tell them that you’ll like to continue your work even after marriage. Discuss the scenarios when both of you’ll be working. Talk about the kind of sacrifices that both of you will have to make to pursue your respective careers.
#9. Hard Or Soft?
We are talking about your mattress! The chances are that you’ll be sharing the same bed after marriage for which you’ll need a very comfortable mattress to rest for the night. This may seem like a silly question but trust us, a few sleepless nights summed up together results in problems in the relationship. You and your partner might have different opinions when it comes to comfort, so better talk it out before you tie the knot.
#10. Any Debts?
It may sound a little awkward. But we would still suggest you ask your fiancé if they have any debts to repay. Once you are married or are planning to get married, your expenses are to be shared and therefore it is important to know if they have any outstanding payments to make.
One more silly yet important things to discuss before marriage is your partner’s idea of vacations. Will they want them to be long or short? Hills or beaches? What if you are a Disneyland fan and they completely hate cartoons? Camping or hotel stays? Snow or sun? All these questions regarding your vacation plans will decide the kind of holidays you’ll have with your partner. Maybe he’s a workaholic and cannot afford to stay away from his office for too long. Your ideal idea of marriage may not match with theirs, and therefore you should discuss them prior to marriage to avoid any conflicts in the future.
#12. What’s In A Name?
Traditionally, the bride after getting married was supposed to add her husband’s surname after her name, but things have changed now. It is not necessary for a bride to take his husband’s surname if she wishes against it. But if that is so then you need to discuss it before getting married. Questions like is it compulsory for me to take your surname? What surname will the kids bear?
#13. TV In The Bedroom?
TV in the bedroom usually acts as a metaphor for your whole marriage. TV is the only method of escaping difficult situations or low times in the marriage. Ask your partner if they want a television in the room or would want to keep it in the living room.
We hope that we have been able to provide you with a list of things you should discuss before getting married. If there’s anything else that you’ll like to add to our list, just write to us in the comment section below.