Write the unspeakable

What could be the unspeakable ones which have not been expressed to anyone?

1.    Fear.
2.    Rejection.
3.    Loneliness.
4.    Disease.
5.    Death, etc.

First and foremost is fear. I may look like a broad, well-built 30-year-old man, but do you know that I am so afraid of the dark. I cannot walk alone when there is no light. I used to have nightmares and visions of somebody following me and stabbing me from the back. I always finish my work in office fast so as to reach home before it is dark. I am so scared to my soul about dark. 

It is not only darkness that I am scared of, but also cockroaches. I do not know why or how, but it always brings in creepiness in me. I always tell myself that it is just a small tiny thing and there is no need to be scared of, but I could not help but be so fearful.

Next is rejection, I always consider myself a very handsome man who is well behaved with a great personality, but do you know that I have been rejected by three girlfriends of mine before I married my wife. I always use to wonder what could be the reason for rejection. 

I have even felt that I should confront them and ask them for the reason, but all three are happily married, so I do not want to talk about the past and rekindle the pain, and I am scared that I might jeopardize my life as well as their happy married life. But instead of talking to those girls, sometimes I feel that I can talk to my wife about how she decided to me and pat myself on my back in making our marriage a success.

My house is a crowded place with grandmother, parents, father-in-law, wife and my two twin girl babies. I have never had the chance of being alone in my house. I waited and waited for an opportunity and one day it happened. 

One Sunday, my family went to a park and I had to meet a client, so I stayed back. But he canceled the appointment and I was alone in my big house. I enjoyed each and every second of being alone for which I have waited since my childhood. I bought a big pack of potato chips (please do not tell my kids) and lying on my cot, I listened to my favorite pop songs. That's the precious few hours I can always cherish and I have never ever disclosed this to my family. This is my cute little secret.

Disease: My grandfather died of the brain tumor and I am scared that I too might get that disease as they say it is hereditary. He underwent an operation and then took chemotherapy and radiation therapy, but he could not withstand it due to his age and he succumbed to the disease. Chemotherapy always haunts me and I am so worried about the side effects that it would cause. Every day, I pray to God that nobody in the family should get that dreadful disease.

Death: I use to think about death and wonder how it would be to die and where we will go after our soul leaves our body.

According to Bhagavat Geeta, Krishna says that there is no death for the soul, what dies is only the body and never worry about dying as our soul will come back as a newborn.

As per Bible, when the spirit leaves the body the person is considered dead and the soul returns to the God who gave it.

In Quran, Allah says that everyone has to die and then a trial of good and evil things done by the person would be conducted and accordingly the person would be returned.