How to Help a Friend through an Abortion?

740 Views Updated: 19 Dec 2017
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How to Help a Friend through an Abortion?

Researchers have shown that one out of every three women goes through an abortion. However, if you are a woman and not one of them, your friend probably can. Of course, we don’t wish your friend to have such a day in her life. But undoubtedly that can be a tough time for anyone. Though abortion is a safe and credible procedure, it is a hard deal for every woman and if any of your friends are going through such a phase, you can follow these tips to help her:

#1. Help Your Friend Find Accurate Information

Since your friend is in such a dilemma or in a bad phase of life, you need to support them mentally and emotionally. Therefore, in order to be able to do that, you need to have accurate information regarding having an abortion. Don’t believe what people say. She is your friend and you can’t rely on myths to help her. You need credible information so that you can genuinely know the shortcomings and benefits of going through the procedure. A Google research about abortion will bring up almost every information. You can rely on “real facts” in such cases rather than references from others. Search the pre and post-abortion syndrome to help her in that phase.

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#2. Don’t Assume Things, Talk To Her About It

There are a lot of times when we assume so many things regarding the situation and advise our friends accordingly. However, that is not the right process to handle the situation. Don’t assume situations, especially their part. You don’t know how they feel until and unless you are in the same shoe. Try to hold onto facts regardless of what people are saying around. People will have different perceptions about the situation. But since you are a friend, you will have to understand the situations better. Talk to her and try to know what they actually feel about the decision of getting an abortion. Listen to your friend’s needs and responses to the situation.

#3. Use Non-Shaming Language

Apart from talking, there are also several ways to show that you are there for her. Sometimes the words we use with a friend especially in such a sensitive situation can hurt too bad. Therefore, if you are aware that you can’t console your friend with words, follow the actions and gestures. Even if you talk to her, try to use the words very carefully. Make sure you don’t use the word “baby” too much, use “fetus” instead. This is an accurate word so that they take the procedure scientifically and practically. Sometimes, words can’t be as effective as actions. Reflect your own perspective and make them feel comfortable and secured.

#4. Do Not Minimize The Experience

You may be tempted to feel about her abortion that it’s no big deal. However, try to understand the situation that knows that she might like you to be the one who is not understanding her part. She will be upset and you need to realize that harsh words will not help her. Not everyone experiences such situation, therefore, support her in every aspect. If she is grieving about something that needs to be understood completely, be there for her. And even if she is not grieving or upset, that is also alright and try to be supportive of that too.

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#5. Help Your Friend Make A Decision And Reach A Conclusion

Since you are a friend, you will be knowing her family as well. Therefore, being the person out of the situation, you will be a better judge of the situation. Try to help her giving an unbiased perspective. In such a situation, people rely on friends only as they understand them and family won’t be able to accept everything. There are various things that family considers, and they won’t understand the point of view completely. So the only support system she is left with is you. For some people, it becomes such a big decision that they get exhausted physically and mentally. Save your friend from going in that phase.

#6. Help Them To Make A Plan

Your friend will have a whole bunch of things that they will have to coordinate in order to have an abortion. You need to help her to sort everything out efficiently. She will have to find a good clinic or should be scheduling an appointment, and she needs a companion in all these tasks who is not only supporting her but also understand the reasons behind the abortion. If she needs a financial support, you should always be the first person to help as a friend. She might have her kids to take care of, you can be a great help in that aspect to her and her family.

#7. If She Does Get An Abortion, Offer Practical Help

Understand this fact that it is a procedure that needs to be handled very practically. You need to figure out the things and help she might need before and after abortion. You can help her while getting the formalities done at the clinic. She will just won’t need mental and emotional support but also practical help as well. There will be a time of her breakdown; you will have to be there with her. However, also when she will be needing someone to look after the procedure, then also you will have to be there. Let her know that you are right beside her in anything that she needs. Take some offs from your workplace as your friend needs you the most in this situation.

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#8. Don’t Compare Her Situation To Anyone Else You Know Of

If you had any other friend who went through the same situation, don’t start comparing those situations with hers. The circumstances and reasons can be entirely different in both the situations. If you will let her know about any other situation even remotely similar to hers, she might get afraid before the procedure. Therefore, make sure you are not making comparisons. Making comparison can put a potential threat in her mind. Just let her know that she is not alone and you are always with her. 

#9. Be Concerned

Your friend needs to know and clearly be aware of the fact that you are very concerned about her. Whenever she is sharing anything regarding her abortion with you, just be there for her and listen to what she is saying and try to give reflective pieces of advice. Listening is the only key in such situations. If you will not listen to her, she might feel rejected and alone. This is a very crucial stage in her life and she needs a friend the most. Some women want people to be around them in order to feel strong. Most people think abortion is shameful and gross. But, let your friend be comfortable around you to talk about anything.


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#10. Don’t Ever Judge Her

The last and worst thing you could do to a friend is to judge her in any of her decisions. Don’t judge her for being pregnant and now getting an abortion. You should be the one person who should support her throughout. Be the honest and trustworthy friend whom they can rely on. This is a tough phase and a hard thing to share with everyone, especially family. Make sure to keep the news to yourself even if your friend has not mentioned it. It is a great deal if they have shared this information with you, therefore just ensure them that their problem is safe with you.

#11. Pamper Her And Bring Her The Stuff That She Likes

Once she is done with the procedure of her abortion, make sure you are supporting her enough. Some women need some rest and need to relax just after the abortion for good 2 to 3 days. However, some just want to roam around and feel fresh just a day after the abortion. Regardless what she wants to do, just make sure to support her under any circumstances. Get the things that she likes, probably chocolates and icecreams with a movie will cheer her up instantly. You can also think of things like these in order to make her feel better. If she likes clothes or shoes, make sure to buy her something that she will love. Also, staying with her is the best thing you can do as a friend.

This is how you can help a friend who is going through an abortion. Let us know your thoughts regarding the same in the comments section below.

(Image Courtesy: 1. Positive Thoughts, 2. Woman's Day, 3. Total Sorority, 4. Divorce: Prince George(Featured Image Courtesy)

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