"If your friendship consistently makes you feel drained, put-upon, used or stressed, it is time to move on." - Levine
In a close-knit group of friends, each one of you is very well-versed with everyone's habits and attitude. Then comes people who have diverse financial personalities. And nothing else really kills the vibe of your night out when you have someone always dodging on the payment bills onto someone or the other.
So, it is not difficult for anyone to recognize who is the moocher of your group, especially when you are the one paying their share each time. Therefore, there are several ways to deal with freeloaders and here is how to get rid of a moocher.
#1. The simplest way you can spot a freeloader is when they start convincing you every time to pay their part of the bill on almost every occasion.
#2. Whatever is yours is also theirs, even if you don't feel so. They absolutely have no sense of boundaries and just stay entitled to your property.
#3. Even if people are bringing things, it takes some cost to invite them over for celebrations. A freeloader friend will always be your guest and never manage the part of being a host.
#4. He/ she is the one who will keep relying on favors from you. They know how to take advantage of your kindness and gradually start expecting favors from you.
#5. In case they are asked to make a contribution where they cannot escape, it will always be insignificant. For instance, if a group of people ask them to get an alcohol, they will just get the cheapest one!
#6. They start assuming that you are always available for them and will always be. A few generous rides become like a daily routine.
#7. Such people do not believe in the act of reciprocation. They do not return the efforts, time and/ or hospitality. He/ she keeps draining you, but when you would need something, they might go unavailable.
#8. Freeloaders are in a habit of constantly making vague promises, but never anything concrete will ever materialize from their side. It requires efforts, and they pretty much don't want to get into it.
#9. Their wallet always gets left at home, and they make it a practice. Excuses could be diverse, but the situation remains the same - no cash, no card! You are the one paying their taxi fare, restaurant bill, cards, and presents and maybe just anything you can think of.
#10. Freeloaders don't really care about what you have or what you don’t; all they care is about their own comforts and luxuries.
#11. You are so used to fulfilling their preferences that at one point of time, you start getting surprised when they do not really ask for something.
#12. Hardcore freeloaders also know how to steal in bits. Very cleverly, they would pay the bills through the card and ask for contributions in cash. And the tip that people pay back actually gets even their own meals covered.
This is how you can unload the freeloader and stop being abused by their acts.
It is very important on your part to let all the rules of friendship be very clear. You have to make sure that your kindness isn't taken for granted. Therefore, before you and your moocher friend go for an outing, ensure that you have made clear where he/ she needs to spend and where it will be possible for you to do the same. But not just your mooching buddy, make these rules clear to everyone in the friend group accompanying you. Either everyone is going to pay their own bills or there would be an equal contribution or whichever fairway you can think of. It effectively gives the moocher an idea that he/ she cannot rely on others every time. And when you are targeting each and every person, your communication would not even become difficult. You are not aiming the message at just one person but everyone. And believe us, somehow all your friends understand the reason behind such rules expect the moocher.
How to deal with moochers? Learn to say no! The power of no is tremendous. And you should actually have a set criterion for the thing you will be saying yes to and the things you wouldn't agree with. Moochers are programmed to get their work done. However, you need to play the other way round. And a no means, "This is who I am, this is what I value and this is what I don't along with this is how I choose to act in a situation." Simple! We as humans somewhat like to please others and cooperate with them in every situation but at the core, we are our own distinct selves. And, a no helps us carve out the required support and that space. It also makes you recognize that such people should not enter your boundaries. You are wholly responsible and powerfully in charge of your acts and the way others behave. It is an effort turned towards yourself for developing the ability to respect your personal identity.
One thing you need to be very clear about is that none of their excuses should be tolerated. You have to start valuing yourself. Stop agreeing to be paid at a later time, no loaning or any other sorts of compromises. Moochers are pretty savvy with getting others to pay on their behalf. They exactly know what to look out for and avoid shelling from their pockets. And recalling the past times of charity is their favorite catchphrase. But, you should understand that these are all triggers that result in you favoring them in one way or the other. Once you are stern with your commitments, they know where they are going wrong and also get an idea that no one's going to pay for them from now on.
The advice is really simple - either reduce the number of visits you pay to each other or just drop the friendship totally. It seems to be one of the hardest things you would do but it is also necessary for you to take this step. It is just because of their doings that you have to opt for this choice. Rather than facing any negative consequences, hang out less with them and avoid the confrontations. If they are smart enough they would also understand that you are ignoring them. They might also want to know the reason and somehow bring about changes in their behavior. Everything is possible!
When you realize that you are just being used as a medium to fulfill a freeloader's demands, it is time for you to take strict actions. You have to somehow deal with the situation and that too in the most effective manner. So, the first step that you can take is to talk with them regarding what you think about the situation. At times, being direct is the only way you can make the circumstances change. You don't have to worry about ruining the relationship or have the fear of confrontation. All you need to do is start building a common ground much in advance and not attack with full force at once. Sit with them in a calm mood and get your message across. No matter what happens, they get upset or they get angry or you might be scared, you have to let it all out.
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