What to do if your Spouse & Friend don't Get Along?

1,320 Views Updated: 21 Oct 2017
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What to do if your Spouse & Friend don't Get Along?

Do you want your best friend to hug you when you fight with your partner? And do you need your partner when you fight with your best friend? But what if your partner and your best friend keep fighting with each other? Can you choose between the two? Can you imagine leaving without any of them?

We know you can’t, neither can we. Your best friend is the one who keeps all your secrets, and your partner is one of the secrets you fell for. While your friend holds you when you cry, your partner gives you a reason to be happy.

So, what do you do if your spouse and your best friend don't get along? Confused? Let us help you.

What To Do When Your Partner And Best Friend Do Not Get Along?

We pity you poor soul for you are handling the most difficult phases of all times. Who in this world can ever imagine themselves stuck in a tug of war between their spouse and best friend?

#1. Figure Out The Reason Behind It

If you really want to solve the problem, it is important that you look into the actual reasons behind your friend and spouse for not liking each other. Figure out what is that one thing or multiple reasons because of which your two favorite people do not get along with each other. In order to solve the puzzle, you’ll have to find out all the pieces first.

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#2. Are They Jealous Of Each Other?

Sounds weird, but your spouse and friend might be jealous of each other. Before your partner came in, you spent most of your day with your best friend, and now she/he probably misses that time, and it makes them turn green with jealousy. Similarly, your partner loathes the time that you devote to your friend instead of them. There are chances that you ended up with a possessive partner, or probably you are really spending too much time with your friends. It’s a red flag if the former holds true, but if it’s the latter then you can surely fix it.

#3. Mind Your Words

Your partner has seen your friends from your eyes and will see them in the light that you reflect them in. Do not let your partner judge your friends for it’ll surely make them dislike your mad crowd. If you keep on discussing the shortfalls, he/she is sure to dislike them and would never agree to socialize with them. Just remember that words are powerful.

#4. Give It Time

The best solution to all your problems is time. “Time heals all,” and maybe you should trust it too. Maybe it was just a bad first impression they didn’t click it in the first go. Give it some more time; let them work it out in their own sweet time.

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#5. Re-evaluate Your Friendship/ Relationship

Love is blinding, and emotions overwhelm you at times. There is a possibility that your partner or your friend could see some genuine issues that you haven’t been able to. If your partner is too persistent about not finding your friends to be the best people for you to hang out, you just try to re-evaluate your friendships. Or if your best friend keeps pinpointing the same issues with your partner, just make a notice. There are chances that they are correct about their judgments. It is time for retrospection.

#6. Hear- Hear

It always needs two to tango. There are always two sides to every story, and it’s important that you do not conclude before listening to both of them. If you just listen to your partner, you won’t see where your friends are coming from. Both of them are important to you, so let their voices be heard.

#7. Talk it Out

As huge fans of the Savvy Psychologist podcast, we like to think that everyone can work out their problems if they are open and willing to solve them. There are times when the situation at hand isn’t as difficult as it seems and just talking about it can solve your issues. Communication gap in itself is the biggest villain in every relationship.

Take, for example, a couple wherein the wife has been accommodating with the frat boy behavior of her husband’s best friend but cannot take it anymore. The relationship has reached a level where the wife can no longer stand being around the friend.

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It is easy to say that the husband can distance himself from the friend to make the wife comfortable, but that won’t be a permanent solution. Avoidance is rarely the answer to our problems.

Talking might sound like a very “earthy-crunchy” approach, but this is really the most established and effective scheme of all. As the person in between, you can always ask them both to lay out all cards and solve the problem.

 You can always tell your friend and your spouse that they both are the most important people in your life, and you understand the animosity, but they will have to comply with the situation. By saying that, you are obviously not asking them to be best friends, but just urging them to learn to tolerate one another when you three are together.

#8. Have A Good Laugh

Humor is probably the best medicine to defuse a difficult situation. It may not exactly cure your ails but will surely alleviate the tension.

If your wife and your friend refuse to talk about their problems, then try using humor. Your aim should be to make the both of them step back, relax and view things in a different light. They are never becoming best friends, but you can take small steps to bringing them close. That’s the least and the most you can do about it.

#9. Fake it Till You Make it

When you are stuck in a situation where you have to fake a smile just to make others happy, just use that damn curve. No matter how difficult it is for you to enjoy with your spouse and your friend together, you have got to fake it till you make it.

If you have exhausted the above two techniques, then all you can do is to fake it. You know that both of these stubborn people are your flesh and blood, and you cannot do without them. There is a difference between faking and denying it. We are not advocating denial; all we are saying is if you cannot make things work between the two most important people in your life, all you are left with is to fake it. Most of the occasions in your life will have the presence of both of them and you obviously cannot avoid either of them, so just learn to fake a smile and let the show go on.

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#10. Work It Out 

You might have to hit the dead end if nothing else works. Every story is not a fairy tale. Things might be difficult, but you will get through it. As long as your partner and your best friend agree to share friendly terms, you can manage the situation. You might have some extra work to do by dividing your time for your partner and your friend.

There are times when your spouse and your friend just do not get along. It doesn’t matter how hard you try; they just cannot come to terms with each other. Instead of pushing them into a forceful relationship just try to keep them apart as much as possible. Call your friend only when your partner is away. Do not try to mingle the two by inviting them together. Accept the fact that they do not get along and don’t stress about it.

Have you ever been in a situation where your best friend and your partner completely disliked each other? What did you do? Let us know in the comment section below.

(Image Courtesy: 1. Odyssey, 2. Picture Quotes, 3. Huffington Post, 4. Mind Hacks; Dear(Featured Image Courtesy)
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Answer

This one’s funny because I have been through it myself. My best friend is my soul mate and I love her like crazy. We have been with each other for the past 6 years which undoubtedly have been the best time of my life. Knowing her has been a great journey because knowing her made me understand myself better. From university till now, life with her has been hell of an experience. We have been there through each other’s thick and thin and had each other’s back in all times.
Things changed when she found a guy, I mean not literally but yes to some extend it did. I was super happy and excited for her new phase in life. We used to talk about their relationship day and night until I started disliking the guy.  Yes, I did not like my best friend’s boyfriend and she knew it, because I said it, not once but a million times, LOUD AND CLEAR. I would not say that the guy was a pervert or dressed shabby; he was just not the kind that I would like. They used to fight a lot for similar reasons and yet my friend loved her. I could never make myself like him because I knew that he was the reason of my friend’s sadness. He loved her like crazy but they probably needed different things in life and could never come to common grounds. I had no personal problems with her boyfriend but all I felt was that if he cannot keep her happy then she has no other reasons to stay with him. They had multiple fights and not to forget, countless breakups.
We all went out together a few times, had our share of fun and things went smooth. Both of us were aware of not liking each other much, but we made a good face to keep our little angel happy. The only thing common between the two of us was our love for her and that helped us keep our act straight. Although I would like to add that eventually I did realize that the guy was good enough and genuinely cared for my friend. His way of expressing his feelings was different from our expectations and probably I judged him too soon.
Life becomes difficult when you go through such situations because you cannot ask your friend to leave her boyfriend for you and neither will she leave you for her lover. She tried her best to help us socialize and become friends. Honestly, you cannot do much about it.  Time does it for you. You can always try to look at his better qualities rather than pin pointing his mistakes. May be he is bad at articulating or maybe he just cannot express himself in your presence. Give them some time. You know them in and out, thanks to all the screenshots that your friend shares. They have been derived those rights and hence deserve some time to understand and know you as a person and not just the best friend. They probably feel the pressure because your crazy friend has raised the bar too much

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