The love which is unrequited - is one phenomenon which must have existed since the beginning of any time or era. That is unusual but true. People often ask themselves, why do we love someone who does not love us back? In such a hopeless situation, we cling to the person who will never understand the feelings. Most of us must be very much familiar with such scenarios. A guy/girl who is interesting, loving, caring, nice and smart is in love with you, but your mind can only think about the person who does not show interest in you and never take the initiative to talk to you or meet you. Despite the rejection, that person can not seem to get off from your mind.
Why does this happen? Why do we develop such habit of not loving the person who loves us? Why don’t we have what we desire for? As human beings, we always have dreams. However, some dreams can’t come true, and as soon as we are familiar with this fact, we let go of that dream. But then why is it impossible for us to let go the person who continuously rejects us? In a research which was done by Helen Fisher, it suggests that people usually are more active in the areas of craving, physical pain, motivation, reward, and distress when they think about the people who rejected them, and they were in love with them.
Apart from the scientific research, there must be other human reasons of this fact as well. When you think too close, the purpose of a relationship is not to love and be loved back perfectly. The purpose is not to be loved forever. It is not to make us feel complete. The purpose is not the way of the universe to let us know “you are worthy of being love.” It is not the proof of the above statement. Rather, the purpose of being in a relationship is to know ourselves better than anybody else. To know the parts and values of us, we are otherwise never conscious of. The purpose is to understand the reasons for us to get excited, thrilled, angered or loved for that matter.
The main purpose is not to heal us, fix us or make us complete. It is for us to know where we lack, what should be fixed, which parts are still broken. And the end of a relationship is for us to realize that we are enough to make us happy. Let us explore the reasons why do we choose to love someone who doesn't love us back?
There are people who will only see the best and good things about us. However, the people who will just see the worst of us and will know the things and parts that are not to be admired or love. The people who don’t love us back only knows the darkest and deepest corners of us. That could be the reason they chose not to love us. We assume that those people understand us the most and that is the reason we are attracted towards them.
The things which we can not have in our whole lives are usually more desirable than the others. People who do not love us back are always fascinating and charming. This is human nature that the things which they can never achieve are always taking the mind. Take the example of Eve who was asked not to have the forbidden fruit, and she has the urge to have it. We never realize that the things which can never be in our lives do not mean to be in our life before it's too late. The things or people you know can be attained easily are never attractive. This is the only reason that the girlfriend is fascinating than a wife.
Taking the point further, the people who do not love us back always maintain a situation of ‘hanging in the fire’ for us. They never make the chase stop, or we never stop to chase them. However, the situation is never stable. We generally never get any concluding gesture which can make us stop somewhere. The chase of a person never loves us back is never-ending.
There is never a sense of certainty or surety in any case. You are always uncertain about your actions and their reactions. The sense of uncertainty never lets you move on from someone. It is easier to get over someone when you make a firm decision. Uncertainty always allows you to cling the same person always.
We desperately reach out for love we always wanted, and when we don't get it, that makes us more vulnerable. We start craving more for love and attention. That is the reason it takes so much of time to get over the person who never loved us. We realize it too late that we are worthy of something better. The irony is that they crave for the attention of someone himself/herself being the most unfulfilling creatures. They are actually sometimes blinded to the true love which is around them already.
The theory of unrequited and unconditional love is something which is romanticized, dramatized and beautified by us as a society. We always go behind the people who don't love us is because we think we are not worthy of being loved. By making that person love us and gaining their attention, we prove this wrong to yourself. By winning someone's heart, we prove that yes, we are worthy of being loved. Unusual? But true.
In some cases, it becomes the matter of pride for the other person. They go behind the person who does not love them because it is on their egos now. They can not afford to listen to "No" from someone. So they make an attempt to impress the same person over and over again in order to satisfy their egoistic pride. When an exercise of pride and a vain spell of infatuation is mixed, then these sort of situations take place. None of these things can be called the love of course.
Love keeps breaking our heart, and we still wish to fall again and again into its trap. The nature of love never hurts us, but the things love designed to do, immensely hurts. Our big love, which actually binds us rather than break or destroys us, comes when we think we have already lost it. Love happens when you least expect it to happen.
People sometimes choose to be in love with someone because that person is unique or extraordinary. They might feel that they can't get anyone better than them. We all realize at one point that the one who never loved us back was never meant to be with us. The only question is how long do we take to realize it.
Anyway, whatever said or done can never be changed. But what can be changed rather is our attitude towards things or people who do not value us. Everyone has their journey of experiences and learnings from the harsh lessons of life. Ultimately you will have to realize that you have all the capabilities of being worthy and deserving of success, love, and fulfillment. No matter how irrational it feels, you should learn to love yourself despite having the parts which are not worthy of love.
There are already enough people to hate you. You don't need to add one more to that list by hating yourself. This is the only way we can open our hearts to the real happiness. Remember, you should always give yourself the chance to love someone you supposed to have rather than looking for others.
(Featured Image Courtesy: In Business)
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