How to Date someone who has Intimacy Issues?

3,020 Views Updated: 11 Jun 2018
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How to Date someone who has Intimacy Issues?

Relationships can be tough with intimacy being an important, inseparable part of it. It’s not that if you take intimacy out of your relationship, the relationship may not last, but including intimacy just gives the relationship a touch of warmth and affection that is unparalleled. Everybody has a past too. Sometimes, the partner is not able to open up to your level of intimacy due to unexpected failure in some past relationships. There can be several reasons behind this trailing problem. However, you need not worry!

And how do you deal with it? Because relationship minus intimacy is equal to both suffering.The partner with all the issues is not able to give himself/ herself completely to the significant other. Sex is indisputably an important part of the relationship and more than often, the partner that craves this closeness may resort to alternate measures too, bringing the relationship to an ugly turn. But the important part there still remains to be that intimacy is a very personal matter of choice. But is there a way maybe that you can still date them? Absolutely, there is! And how to date someone who has intimacy issues? Read on!

If you are hopelessly in love with your partner but the partner is unable to express his/ her love in physical terms or by opening up to you about their feelings, there are some things you can pay heed to so as to deal or solve this problem of intimacy!

#1 Do Not Force Them

If you think you like someone and want to be with them for real, open up and don't throw questions at them one-after-one. Let them lounge at ease and keep patience. Try to avoid holding hands while watching a movie together at home or just sniffing and teasing your partner when they're not in a good mood. This further aggravates the issue, and therefore your partner will feel uncomfortable around you. Regarded as an act of social anxiety or an anxiety disorder, this issue can be more frustrating for the one suffering from the issue than the one on the other side of the tunnel. Respect their feelings and back off when you have to.

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#2 Do Not Blame Them

Nobody is perfect. Blaming your partner for something that they do not have any control over will only drive them further away from you. If you think that your partner is not comfortable talking about his/ her family, childhood or fears, let that be. Do not blame them for something that has been instilled in their minds through experience which will not go away on its own. Give them their own space to open up and talk. If they do not want to talk about a past relationship or their relationship with their parents, let that be. Just watch a movie or something to get their minds off stuff that may be bothering them or things they do not want to talk about. You also have to understand that this behavior has nothing to do with how they feel towards you. Maybe they are hopelessly in love with you too but only finding it difficult to express it in words or physically.

#3 Do Not Get Angry At Them

There are a lot of people in relationships with one of their partners having intimacy issues and are still going fresh without indulging in intimate physical activities. Sex is not the base of any relationship, understanding is. If your partner does not understand why you do not want to do something that you are not comfortable with, then maybe they are not the one for you. If your partner is suffering from any kind of anxiety while opening up to you and you do not feel like taking it anymore, maybe you should give your relationship more deeper thought. Instead of acting impulsively for something you desire, let them know how you really feel.

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#4 Try To Put Yourself In Their Shoes

Be a little understanding and mature to understand what the other person may be going through when dealing with certain issues. If they cannot talk about their parents, try to empathize how every family is different and has problems. There have been actions to their reactions that you will maybe never understand but can certainly try to put yourself in their shoes and imagine how it would’ve affected you.

#5 Be Patient

Everybody deserves patience. This kind of anxiety related to intimacy does not develop overnight, and you have to be empathic and understand that it will certainly not go away overnight itself. Be patient and make your partner feel comfortable in their own skin by letting them have their space when they need it. You have to understand that most of the time, it has nothing to do with you, or how they feel about you, but negative outcomes in the past that have instilled this kind of deep-rooted fear that will take its own sweet time to fade.

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#6 Let Them Know How You Feel

Talk to your partner when you think something may be bothering them or get to know what might be making them retract from a particular situation. Respect your partner’s choices and opinions and talk to them about how you feel about this missing piece in your relationship or ask them to talk to you about it. Intimacy is as crucial a part of a relationship as understanding. So listen to your partner even when they do not speak to you. Talk to them about what is bothering you or what might be bothering them instead of resorting to alternatives.

#7 Look Beyond It And Wait For Them To Be Ready If Nothing Works

There are people surviving in relationships without getting too close physically and are happy. Look beyond this small factor and be patient. Give your partner the time and space that he/ she deserves and count the greater things that you are achieving from this relationship instead of focusing on the things that will take its own sweet time to settle.

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How To Know If Your Partner Has Intimacy Issues?

Spotting an intimacy phobic person may be tricky as intimacy not just involves getting physical but also opening up to your real-self. Here are some ways you can spot a person that might be suffering from anxiety related to intimacy!

#1. He/ she might try to avoid certain topics of discussion without giving a reason for it.

#2. They have a problem with committing to you completely and do not like the idea of getting spotted by friends in public as lovers.

#3. They do not like the idea of holding hands in public or you are being too protective of them.

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#4. They may indulge in impulsive behavior if you try to get possessive of you. They do not want to feel like you own them.

#5. They like their own space and do not really like the idea of spending hours after office with you.

#6. They may get moody at times when you try to get too close.


Things You Can Do To Make Them Open Up To You

Every problem has a solution. More than often, it just requires your endurance and perseverance. These are some of the things you can do to make your partner open up to you!

#1. Try to ask them repeatedly about a topic they may be avoiding purposely and be understanding when they do so.

#2. Make them feel like you are there for them if they feel like talking about it anytime sooner or later and that they have all your attention.

#3. If your partner is dealing with physical intimacy issues, be patient and do not force things on them. Let them know through your actions how you are different and give them all the time that they need.

#4. Ask them how they would feel more comfortable dealing with the issue.

Loved what you just read? Want to read more such interesting stuff? let us know in the Comments' Section below. We would love to hear from you!

(Image Courtesy: 1. Quinky, 2. Feedzig, 3. ThoughtCatalog,4. Psych Alive, 5. Family; Marriage(Featured Image Courtesy)

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