Is finding love easy?

‘Falling in love’ wasn’t easy!

It started when I was in school. The growing age, the anxiety to explore, the mere infatuation, the crazy friends, hating teachers, stepping into teenage, hormonal changes, physical changes, hating your body, wanting to be perfect or say sexy, grabbing attention, proposals, sitting together, secret meeting, making girlfriends/boyfriends, sharing endless stories, phone chats, handling things our own ways; it was all the part of it or say it was just the begging. Back then I thought infatuation was love. I had a huge crush on my computer teacher (he was hot!). It was love for me. I could stare at him all day long doing nothing. I daydream stories of us together going for an ice cream, holding hands, smiling at each other and the moment of having my ‘first kiss’. After he left school I realized I don’t miss him much. Was my love for him enough? It wasn’t LOVE.

After, passing school I got into a relationship with a boy I thought I loved and wanted to marry. Yes, marry! For me ‘love’ was all about falling in love, marrying, having children and live happily ever after. It was nothing like the first time; no daydreams, no imaginations, no butterflies! He was just a trend sake boyfriend to be hip amongst pals. It lasted the college years and took me no time to move on. It wasn’t LOVE.

I started working, by now I was a changed person, thoughts changed, the attitude changed and everything else changed too. Career was the priority and had no plans to settle or fall in love sooner or later. I started making money, the first salary in hand made me feel rich. I was in love again. This time, it was not with a person, but money. I loved everything I did. It kept me occupied. I desired for more and soon it became exhausting. I wasn’t happy, I wanted to quit, kill my boss and run away. Ah! Came the moment of realization; how can I hate something I love? It wasn’t LOVE.

I fell in love with my friend. The moment I first met him during college days, I knew he is going to be ‘the ONE’ for me. It was like ‘déjà vu’. I disliked him or rather myself for bringing that thought, which is why I started disliking him too. Not hate just dislike, hate is a big word. I never was able to guess when I fell in love with him. Despite our ways being apart, something brought us together. He was in Jaipur and I was in Delhi, but we were in love. He is my husband now. It was LOVE and it is and it’ll be! Finding LOVE wasn’t easy.