Intellect and emotions govern all of us, and while you must have read a lot about failed marriages, you cannot know whether yours will fail or succeed until you have tried it yourself. Marriage is one of the most intimate experiences of a person's life. In a wedlock, a person has to pay heed to not only one's own emotions but to his or her partner's as well. The relationship is very fragile and needs persistent nurturing to bloom. It needs a lot of efforts and hard work. However, this is also a fact that everything comes naturally and does not really seem like hard work when both the partners love each other and are willing to invest an equal amount of efforts.
Happiness is every person's indisputable right. A human being nurtures and gives value only to the relationships which bring happiness in his or her life. But, sometimes things go out of control and turn into something that we cannot fix or repair. In such situations, we need professional help from an expert. Here are some pointers that can help you decide if you need marriage counseling or not.
#1. When You Lambast Your Partner For Petty Things
Lambasting or severe criticism of your partner over not keeping his or her clothes in the cupboard is an outlet for bottled up emotions. A happy and calm person will never get irritated on an issue as trivial as not hanging one's clothes properly. It shows that maybe you are not as happy with your partner as you used to be, you haven't communicated with him or her about what you feel and holds grudges against the other person. When you continue to suppress your feelings towards your partner, it creates conflict in your mind. Your mind loses your balance as you continue to think about your differences with your partner instead of talking to them directly. This will eat you up from inside.
Clearly, the kind of direct communication which is required in such a situation is not happening. Your emotions are governing you to such a degree that you are always looking for ways to attack your partner. You think they should be punished for not sensing your mood and not making earnest appeals to you so that you finally reveal what is on your mind. A marriage counselor will act as a peacemaker and will be more willing to absorb the bitterness that both partners are feeling and give the step by step solution to rebuild the relationship. If you see yourself lambasting your partner quite frequently or vice versa, then you need marriage counseling.
#2. Your Relationship Needs Maintenance
Possession is easier than maintenance. Getting in a relationship requires just attraction but maintaining it requires a lot of communication and efforts. When we age, our consciousness expands and our level of excitement and enthusiasm reduces. You need to continuously recharge your batteries and refuel your enthusiasm so that your relationship doesn’t fall apart. However, if you feel that both of you are unable to maintain peace in the relationship and things are going astray, then it is the time for you to go for marriage counseling. A delay will only make the differences between both of you irreparable. A marriage counselor will help you plan the steps which can revive your relationship. You are the best judge to decide at what level does your relationship operate. If you feel that things are completely off track, then seek marriage counseling at the earliest.
#3. If You Threaten Each Other With Infidelity or Have Already Practiced It
One of the most common threats used in a marriage is, 'I will cheat on you.' This does nothing but decreases the chances of reconciling with your partner. When sex is not as raucous as it used to be, a lot of partners feel that the flame which once burned for their partner has withered away and with repeated bad experiences or sexless days, this gets confirmed. In such situations, most of the partners do not communicate with each other and develop a sense of hatred and indifferent behavior towards his or her partner. The communication becomes negligible or stops completely. In such cases, one should realize that to save the marriage from being broken; one should seek marriage counseling. Infidelity is a big 'no' 'no' in every relationship and if one of you has been unfaithful towards his or her partner but wants to revive the relationship, then you can seek marriage counseling. You might be feeling guilty and ashamed confronting your partner and before that communication gap takes a toll on your relationship, go and seek expert advice. A marriage counselor can help you address this issue as your frame of mind towards your partner has boxed your thinking. Sometimes, we are not able to take important decisions of our life ourselves as we are moved by emotions and act under their effect. In such circumstances, it is always better to seek help from a source that can help you understand your situation and improve it very objectively.
(Read More: How To Fix Infidelity In Marriage?)
#4. When There Is Violence
No matter how calm you have been in the past, and protected your partner from getting hurt on multiple occasions but swallowing your feelings even when he or she misbehaves and gets violent with you is a foolish act. For how long can you mask your feelings and not project the real ones? It is just not possible to do it all the time with a heart beating inside you. It could be that you don’t think twice before you speak in public about your wife or she does the same, not willing to calculate how their partner would feel when a person gives details about them in public. This lack of caution can make any partner in a marriage mad as none of us want to think that people who don’t know us are judging us, harshly. We should not care about their opinion of us but it cannot be done when you have attended an event together. This can cause physical altercations between married people as both of them are sensitive and proud of their own individuality and may feel it has been degraded in the eyes of their partner as well as other people.
Violence is the death of love. If you feel that your partner is violent towards you, then you need to go to marriage counseling so that you can think objectively and take the best decision for your life. There is no point in being the silent sufferer as it is not going to take you anywhere, nor will it save the marriage. In such situations, marriage counseling will be the best option.
#5. When You See Signs That The Commitment Level Has Dropped
Commitment is a word that scares a lot of people as the scope of responsibility of a partner knows no bounds. You may have done a lot of good things for them, but now you don’t feel like doing anything for them anymore. Maybe spending all that time with them has given way to this disinterest but you should know that passions will always come and go and it is always up to you to act upon it or not. However, if you feel that all the passion from the marriage has fizzled away then this the best time to go for marriage counseling. A marriage counselor can help you understand how to tap the potential passion better and salvage your marriage.
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